Moms and Dads Make a Difference by being Different
In this tense, sexual equality world, we are having a hard time talking about differences between men and women, which sadly keeps us from seeing what makes men men, and women women. Just because there are differences, it doesn't mean either is inferior as a person.
This issue explodes when it comes to how moms and dads affect the family. We are so busy trying to pretend we don't need each other and children are just fine with a single parent, that we don't really appreciate the amazing impact a Mom and Dad can have together.
Are we saying kids are hopeless without two parents? NOPE...but we are saying that God's preferred parenting plan includes a Dad and a Mom (who are actively involved). Here are a few thoughts that might help:
Fred Ray Lybrand
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6 
Should You Homeschool Year-Round?
One of the options homeschoolers have is to organize their school in a year-round fashion. Here we share our experience with having school throughout the year, and why it makes life easier in so many ways.
Fred Ray Lybrand
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2 
Sugar, Kids, and the Home
How many sweets are too many for a child? How much sugar do we allow in the home? Is it 'no sugar' or 'let them be happy kids'? In this vLog we explore these questions and share our practical solution that worked well enough in our home.
Fred Ray Lybrand
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8 
How to Get Your Kids to Stop Fighting (with each other)
The most important thing for mom and dad to discover about their own kids fighting with one another is that mom and dad are ALSO PART OF THE PROBLEM.
If you are not aware of systems, then you'll tend to miss the different factors that contribute to what's happening.
Basically, how you respond to sibling rivalry determines how they fight. There are TWO WAYS to respond (essentially)...this video helps you choose a new path, if you're up for a change in family conflicts 🙂
Off to learn,
Fred Ray Lybrand
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2 
Want Mature Kids? Dump the Rules and Add ________________!
Yes, we need rules for little ones. But as they age, rules don't help grow wise-and-mature young men and women. In this quick video I explain why building principles into your children is far more important than getting keeping them under the rules of the house.
Off to learn,
Fred Ray Lybrand
I'd love to hear your comments or answer your questions
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2 
How to Get Your Kids in Bed, On Time, Everytime
Getting kids to get in bed and stay there is a struggle for lots of us. We discovered a simple way that worked for our 5 kids...just took is thinking only slightly different about our goal with bedtime and sleeping
Off to learn,
Fred Ray Lybrand
I’d love to hear your comments or answer your questions
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2 
The Parental Curse of a Favorite Child
One of the worse things we do as parents is 'favor' a child over others. Sometimes it's hard not to because we just 'connect' better some of our kids...but it doesn't change the the reality of the mistake. Family Systems backs this common sense notion about the danger...and the solution.
Off to learn,
Fred Ray Lybrand
I’d love to hear your comments or answer your questions
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What Can We Learn from A Public School President Who Says He Cannot Write a Sentence?
Detroit Public Schools (DPS) president, Otis Mathis, admits he can’t write a coherent sentence. He further argues that he is a role model as a leader who can’t write. He’s a math whiz (high school) and can speak cogently…but when it comes to writing, it no worky (see: Otis Mathis Can’t Write)
Now, you may hear a skeptic’s voice in all of this, but my hope is to bolster you as an educator or as a learner. Otis Mathis says he is a role model because he shows that even if you can’t write, you can become a success (a president of a school system, no less).
Clearly there is something wrong with this picture, but what? It is easy enough to say that it would be an even better model if he could learn to write (overcoming the obstacle), however, something is more essential here concerning the future for our children.
Here is the question that needs careful reflection:
Do we pursue our talents or do we bend the world to our flaws?
The move is afoot to bend the world to our flaws. In fact, if you read the articles on Otis Mathis, you’ll find that there are related lawsuits to drop certain competencies for admission in to various academic programs. It isn’t that academia is nuts, but rather that there is a values shift in play. The underlying issue is COMPETENCE v. FAIRNESS. Another version of this dilemma asks if you are SPECIAL or is EVERYONE THE SAME.
The current uproar about healthcare has this issue at the core as well. On some level there is the notion that things should be equal for everyone…and on another level, we all know that only one person can win American Idol.
I remember when our daughter played soccer as a little girl there was no score-keeping by the referees, coaches, or parents (it was seen as wrong and too competitive); except, the girls on the team all kept score!
Here’s the secret: Nature wins out over Culture. The culture says let’s make it fair for everyone. Nature says we are better than others at something. Culture says bring competitiveness down. Nature says you’ll survive with your strengths. Culture says you are a victim who needs help. Nature says your skill will help true victims.
My personal conviction is that Otis Mathis can learn to write (& if he’ll come stay with me for a week I can show him exactly how to connect his speaking to his writing). I have a strength here and I’d love to serve him with it. It was indeed the reason I organized the insights I’ve discovered into The Writing Course.
If you are still helping your children to get educated, please make sure two simple things are in play:
1. They are getting a solid and broad foundation. This hooks their brain together…yes, reading AND writing AND arithmetic.
2. Encourage them to stretch to their strengths. When they pursue their talents they make a contribution…which means they are almost infinitely more employable.
If you are still helping others to get educated at any age…what’s the difference?
You think it takes more, but it really doesn’t. Keep at it…everything is better learned by practice; and, everything that is learned becomes useful. The best examples are those who play to their strengths and serve others with them. Don’t buy the whim of culture…just learn it, or admit it isn’t a strength— no matter what ‘it’ is. Steer clear of trying to bend the world to think you don’t have to be educated to be an educator…it will always smell funny.
Blessings,
Dr. Fred Lybrand
How to Teach Children to Edit Their Own Papers
Think about editing for a moment.
All it involves is going back through something written and looking for two things:
1. Any mistakes in spelling, grammar, punctuation, etc.
2. Any ways to say a sentence or phrase better (as needed or desired). Both of these are much easier to do if the child reads his/her own paper out loud.
Reading it out loud is exactly what works because writing has always been about getting someone else to read your work the WAY you want it read. This best comes about through SOUND! When we read our own writing the way it is written, we can see things to change with much greater ease…it is often obvious. It isn’t a perfect approach, but it helps a great deal…especially as this ‘feedback loop’ aides in hooking up your child’s brain (visual and auditory).
Try this: Before you grade / correct the next writing assignment (even copy work), have them go off by themselves and read the paper out load, making any ‘tweaks’ they want to. I bet you’ll see the mistakes drop and the quality go up! I sometimes find so many mistakes (for that child) that I ask, “Did you read this out loud?” Often they admit they didn’t…so I send them off to really edit. Other times, I just send them off to edit again if it is loaded with mistakes. I don’t want to take their own opportunity to learn to edit away…and I don’t want to waste my time doing their responsibility.
Bless you,
Fred Lybrand
P.S. Yes, I read this out loud!
Consistent as a Parent? Ha!
From my book…The Absolute Quickest Way to Help Your Child Change I have a problem with being consistent, and sometimes it’s just because I am too tired. How can I overcome this problem?
Inconsistency and tiredness are usually a sign that your child or children are somewhat “out of control.” I don’t mean that we as parents don’t get tired, but if the state is constant exhaustion, then something surely is wrong. Consistency usually comes when both parents participate in the child training process. With both parents, you are able to keep one another encouraged and accountable. Usually, the problem of staying consistent comes from a parent who is too consumed with meeting the child’s needs and making sure the child “likes” him or her. One of my professors at Dallas Theological Seminary, Dr. Howard Hendricks, has often said,“When you do something for someone when he can do it for himself, then you make an emotional cripple of him: Chances are, unfortunately, that if you are inconsistent, you are somehow being encouraged to be inconsistent and the real learning you (and they) need isn’t happening.
Remember, if you see it, it is encouraged. The best idea I have for consistency is for you to take the Four Magic Questions and apply them to your inconsistency. You may find a very simple solution such as telling your children that every time they get you to do something for them that they can do themselves, you will give them a dollar bill. I suspect, unless you think so little of money, that you will change your consistency problem rapidly.
So…what are your thoughts on Consistency?
Fred
