Do Tantrums HAVE TO Happen? Well, by my very question you should know that I think the answer is, “No, tantrums don’t HAVE TO happen.” Of course, I’m biased— Jody and I reared 5 children and never saw a single tantrum… so we are skeptical.
Now, I will say quickly that I know some of you are thinking that we didn’t define ‘tantrum’ properly…but I assure you, as God is my witness, we never saw a single fit, conniption, tantrum, or violently rude / outlandish behavior! How can that be?
As crazy as it sounds, there are some people who know how to throw a football, manage their time, and run an office. Couldn’t a few people just actually figure out a few things about parenting?
Well, before I tell you, I did find an article I’m pretty fond of:
This was posted as a comment to my I want the big cookie success story, but I had to highlight this success story as it again shows me how amazing our kids.
Honestly, this is really aiming in the right direction, but it still involves more pain and suffering than is necessary.
Here’s what to know about tantrums:
If you see it…it’s encouraged
Sorry, this is straight from my book , The Absolute Quickest Way to Help Your Child Change. The reality is that tantrums are taught. Now, the article above is definitely aiming at teaching a child how not to have tantrums…but, in my view, she started a bit late.
We began to teach our kids from before being toddlers that ‘demanding’ their way wouldn’t work.
You figure it out for your family…but I assure you…unless the child perceives the behavior is worth it—she won’t keep doing it.
Naturally, there is a little more in the ‘how to’ portion. However, if you’d like to skip figuring it out, just join our coaching club and we’ll help you skip the painful learning curve.
In the meantime, here are a few steps you might find useful:
1. Assume you are rewarding the tantrums (because you are)
2. Look for why it is worth it from the child’s point of view to have a tantrum
3. Stop giving the reward for the tantrum (the reward is what makes it ‘worth it’ to the child)
4. Tell the child what you expect (no matter how young the child is)—like, “We want you say ‘OK maybe next time’ when we say ‘No’ or ‘Not now’. This is just an example.
5. Give them some kind of reward (even if you dance a jig for them ) for doing what you want (expect).
Well, those are a good start.
Fred and Jody Lybrand